the not so strong anak abah

now, it is already 30 minutes past 2 in the morning and i am still in front of the laptop waiting for my turn to do the add and drop subjects.

i've been waiting since 1.30a.m, still haven't get a chance to go through the system. tak habis-habis server busy la ape benda semua.

so, in order to kill time i go through my posts and check my english..wohooo~ it was so damn horrible and still i'm writing in english now. malunyaaaa..

i read few blogs and i'd realized that i have to improve my english.

its like 1/10 compared to them.

i know its not fair for me to degrade myself and to sabotage my possible potentials but this is really how i felt at this very moment and i really hate myself when i do this; keep on complaining and whining and do nothing! yes, i do nothing to change it.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

i have to deal with my internal conflicts cause if i dont i will drag everyone into this too and its gonna end up big. VERY VERY BIGG!

mak, abah.. i dont know how to talk to u or how to even start it. i am struggling with my own creation of self conflicts and i have one to talk to. i know both of u will never read this. abah always have the thought that i am his most independent and strong daddy's little girl but the truth is, i am not abah.. there are things that i cant survive on my own and i often lost. when i ask your opinion, i really mean it abah but u seem not to bother about it. abah selalu cakap "ikut suka angah..its your life anyway, u have to learn to make good decisions".

probably i'm just too scared to face the reality.

i'm scared if one day ill end up nothing.

i got myself a place in a a good Uni probably will graduate few years from now but somehow i am nothing.

mak, abah.. please doakan anakmu boleh berjaya dan menjadi seorang yang berguna pada agama,bangsa dan negara.

Ya Allah, please guide me and never keep me far away from you.