If Life is That Easy

i dont know where else i should spill this.

i dont know how to begin my story with.

i took me years to forgive you and i only recenly learned that i have forgotten things that you did to me during my younger age so as what you have done to my childhood life. i became so much of a rebellious teenager because of you and i was stupid enough to choose not to study hard because i hate you. i learned to hate so many things because of you. today, again, it happens just like before. i thought you have changed. i thought, you have changed for good. i thought, i can have what other people can have, they have real families.

the memories will always stuck in my mind. i’ve been crying thinking how bad this could be when i was 11. when i was 16 i almost ran away from home because i hate everyone at home. at that time, both of you didn’t talk to each other for quite sometime and you have made me become the middle person. i tried to be fair to both sides and i hate it when the other side is saying bad things about the other. nobody tries to understand me when i was at that age, where i simply lost in my own world, no body cares to bring me back. it was me who is trying to understand both of you all the time.

and you,

why do you still need to find someone else outside? dont you have enough of what you have today? at least all of us has gotten our butts in Universities. aren’t you ever proud of us? why can’t you just appreciate of what you have in life today? mak has been scarifying everything for you and you take her for granted. you got home late everyday. i know where u’ve been. but i hate the fact that i dont have the guts to say it. one day when you realized that none of us are willing to have you anymore, dont blame us. it might be too late. you gave everything to her but not us.

i tried to portray us as a happy family but now i can no longer hold it. my happy family pictures has now torn into pieces like an aeroplane crash and scattered into the ocean.

like mak said, maybe it is the right time to say goodbye. maybe to live separately can make everyone realized that each and everyone of us needs each other to be happy.

i’ll pray i will never lost faith in HIM. HE knows best for HIS believers.

don’t let me go astray