You should not keep my hopes high. especially when i’m in the times where you were most needed ever. it makes me feel like a fool keep on waiting for you. trust me, sometimes when things like this happens ( cause this is not the first time it ever happens) keep me wondering why we are still keeping this relationship. its just stupid.

what is wrong with you? cause you will never feel and be at my position so you will never know. i feel so helpless living in here feeling like losing hope and feeling as if there are no access to the outside world.  you are just stuck. you’re mind are stuck, and you just stunt. 

 

dear kitty,

i’m having trouble to finish my assignments, my group members doesnt full cooperation and commitment. they rely on me to finish it all.

today i didnt go to class at all. im not in the mood to go to class.

so what i did is, stay in the room watching korean drama, City hunter and at the same time studying for my second midterm tomorrow for Public Relations.

i am not sure if im ready to sit for another test.

i feel like eating something cold and fresh, and there is only one thing in my mind and that is sushi.

i know it sound pathetic talking about my life-less day, non-productive. well, this   is what i do best.

i’m sorry my dear kitty, i bet u would want to read exciting stories. i’m sorry if my story does not worth your waiting.

ill try to find something interesting to write to you again next time okay?

love,

Dushie

why can't i write my heart out?

dear Kitty,

its been a while since i last wrote to you. i cant sleep and thats why i decided to write something to you. ive never once forget you, even in the shower! hehe.. its just that time doesnt allow me to write to you.

i have so many things to tell you, top much till i lost words where should i start. its just funny when you get overwhelmed or excited by something u just lost words to say about everything.

classes are as usual,

written assignments still in progress and “in progress” means, ive just started doing it. and guess what? i have another 4 weeks left before final exams and 3 weeks left before the assignments are all due and presentations. life is crazy sometimes but u just have to bare with it. stay strong and you will survive.

remember, only the fittest survive!

these days, ive started to make new friends and stop talking to some.

well, i dont know why, ‘dia’ seem to be avoiding me. but its okay u know because i have always know that im not really fortunate in having good friends around me. but, when i see some with good friends around them, although i tend to be jealous sometimes deep in my heart, im thankful.

i know.. weird right?

i am thankful i must say. honestly, i said that because i dont have to endure to much of drama in cliques. i dont mind not having friends if by having friends only allow me to see that side of friendship.

right?

i hope, u and i will have less drama in our ‘weird’ relationship ok?

promise?

yours truly,

Dushie

rebranding?

dear Kitty,

your existence today due to an inspiration from a book that called ‘the diary of Anne Frank’. ive always have stories to tell but i dont know to whom my stories to be told. i believe there is no one would ever want to listen to u without any doubts. Anne Frank is such an inspiration to me although she is a Jew and im a Muslim. i dont know how long u, kitty will last. but now i feel like i have the utmost loyal friend in the world who is ready to listen to me at any time. therefore kitty, lets make it official today!

i name u kitty because Anne Frank name her diary friend as kitty and for your information, i dont fancy cats at all. cats may be adorable for me to look at but no physical contact between me and that furry creatures!

guess what? i am now already in the middle of semester and i got tons of workloads that are in need of my attentions where i dont seem to bother anything about it. sometimes i wonder i am i here? what did i do here?

kitty, i have always have that in my mind and i cant seem to get rid of them. it made my self esteem decreases sometimes u know. i’m sorry today is our first day, and i have already telling u all the sad stories about me. i hope u can bare with me kitty. trust me, there are a lot more to come kitty.

i just wish u can stay with me kitty…

Bulan Ramadhan, Bulan yang Mulia

my eyes filled with tears reading a post from someone's blog. well, after few years due to all communication dysfunction, we didnt really get to talk for real as family kan? but Alhamdulillah, berkat bulan Ramadhan Allah guides us all to into nikmat yang tak dapat nak diluah dengan kata-kata.

it's a miracle to have everyone on the table for dinner and it happens only during the fasting month. Abah pun balik almost everyday to buka puasa together. how can I not be more than just excited? and the best of all, when i get the chance to cook for them and they really like it, trust me i do not want anything else more than this feeling. it is the super joy feelings.

i'm so happy that abah express his love towards everyone nowadays. and terasa sayunya bulan Ramadhan nak habis sebab bukan selalu family dapat kumpul macam ni. during the 'normal' month things are all normal too. sometimes when it is just not our day or the day yang Allah nak uji terasa sesak nafas dengan segala ujian.

Join “Contest The Best Picture of Me”

This is my first time ever join contest. Dah la masa tulis ni pukul 5.12am. jodoh kita la kot nak jumpa waktu-waktu macam ni. Dah la esok ada final paper. tak sedar diri betul!

anyway, nak join contest ni kena la start small, mana tau boleh menang kan?

well, in this contest, empunya blog : Engku Sofea suruh upload satu own favourite picture yang solo. Masa terdetik nak join terfikir “aku ni ada ke gambar sorang?”. hmmm lepas buka folder satu-satu, finally jumpa la jugak gambar sorang-sorang. okay dah boleh sengih sikit sekarang!

Hi name is Azura and my virtual name is Azura Dushku. (i’ll surely will be laughing at myself after 5 years seeing me writing this at the age of 21 and thinking what’s in mind at that time)

what makes me think that this picture is so special?

well, actually takde lah best mana pun cuma masa ni, i really felt special bila ada orang sponsor ticket untuk tengok konsert Air Supply Live in KL Convention Centre. Gambar ni diambil lepas concert dan boleh nampakkan kat situ muka puas tak ingat? kan? kan? *okay mungkin ekspresi muka tak berapa nak meyakinkan tapi percayalah, i was extremely happy at that night*

I wasn’t really at my best outfit, tapi itu lah paling selesa buat masa tu due to agak rushing bersiap. oh, ya betul sangkaan anda (walaupun untuk yang tidak bersangka) tudung itu memang senget sejak dari awal lagi dan takde orang pun baik hati untuk tegur “hey you, tudung you senget, fesyen tudung senget-senget tak hit lagi masa ni”  adoi. Pasrah. bila dah tengok gambar besar-besar kat laptop baru perasan. tapi takpelah, ada hikmah la tu. kan? mungkin menang ke kan?  hehe

the night was a blast, a moment of lifetime yang tak akan dapat ditukar ganti dengan wang ringgit.

and for this i tag ella si purple, catz the bomb! andAsyraf penuh bedazzle

sekian,

terima kasih.

Azuradushku

 

Feelings of Emptiness is A New Friend

i feel so empty. i feel so alone.


all i can feel is nothing.


i was at the top last few weeks and today, i feel like i’m drown in the deepest sea.
its hard for me to reach the surface.


what is wrong with me?


i’m going to sit for my final examination tomorrow morning at 9am. i haven’t finished my readings and i can feel that half of is giving up and another half is just too weak to lift me up.


that is why i’m here, writing my heart out. i do not want to be here but i don’t know the place where i belong to. i stuck in my own creation of imagination. i cant go out. i want to be free. i forgot the feelings of being free. freedom that has lost me, i can’t seem to find my way back.


it’s too dark.


i wish there could at least a light to help me to go through.

Allah itu Maha Hebat

i can only write bila hati tengah gundah gulana. semenjak dua tiga menjak ni selalu sangat happy sampai tak dapat nak luahkan dengan kata-kata.


dear diary,


i’m so happy these days. people around has been so nice to me. Allah has loaded me with lots of opportunities. i’m being so grateful for that. tapi aku selalu lupa. aku selalu leka, aku selalu terlena dalam mimpi-mimpi indah dunia. Oh Tuhan, Maafkan aku! when i’m happy i tend to forget you. i havent spend so much time for ‘God-Me Quality time’ like i used to. i missed You. Ya Allah, buka kan lah hatiku dan tetapkan lah imanku, sentiasalah pelihara diriku.


the other day, kau turunkan ujian yang maha hebat untukku. terlalu berat sampaikan aku rasa tak tertanggung. penuh sarat jiwa, terasa sesak. tapi itulah, kebaikan sentiasa dibalas dengan kebaikan. hanya dengan satu perkara kecil, kau balas dengan berganda-ganda perkara baik yang aku tak tersangka. terima kasih Ya Allah!


kepada teman-teman yang membaca,


lakukanlah perkara yang baik walaupun sekecil kuman, balasannya kadang-kadang tak tercapai oleh akal bila memikirkan.


mungkin nasihat macam ni kita dah selalu dengarkan?


tapi adakah kita betul-betul memahami dan menghayatinya?

I Dream of

i dream of having a restaurant that offers comfort food for everyone at a very affordable price. i want people to come to my place to enjoy the food with their loved ones. i would love to own one a day. big profits is not my priority.

my restaurant will offers massive burgers loaded with home made fries, steaks and food at my restaurant will come in big portion just like what you can see on Man Vs Food series, Chilli’s, That Little Gerai in AU5 and some other place that i’ve yet to discover.

ill be happy if i can make people happy just by eating my cooking.

wouldn’t it be great?

biarlah

its okay if you choose to treat me this way. its okay too if you decide to go your way because one day what is exactly how i felt today will return to back to you. i admit my mistakes but not you. i do not want to be cruel, i do not want to say things that can hurt you. let me just keep it with me because after all the truth will reveal itself.

and..the Short Semester Begins!

coming back to campus for short semester is not something that i look forward to. infact aku boleh selamba register sehari lambat. plus i have all the negative thoughts about how my new room will look like and who will be my roommates. well, the moment i stepped into this room, i was greeted by an empty room. most of the compartments were occupied already but none of them were there in the room to greet me?! heh what a good start roommates! haha emo kejap. but i couldnt care less with not being greeted by my new roommates. who cares anyway. i’ll be living with them for the next 7 weeks and another 14 weeks starting from  Sept 12, 2011.

 

i’ve started to like my room though, i mean my compartment to be precised. it was almost perfectly clean with minimal dust on my desk and on the floor. and i had this love at first sight when i stepped into my compartment. i mean, the room, it was almost as the same size as i had before but this time around i can open my window up to its maximum. i just love the amount of light that enters my room.

 

oh plussss internet is super laju kat compartment ni which can speed things up a lil bit. haha terrrrsebut line from my theatre. so hopefully i can update my blog at every alternate days. u know to kinda keep somekinda journal about me and my short semester and my room and bla bla bla yedda yedda yedda.

 

oh before i forgot. there’s foreigner in my room. guess what? selaju i menaip ni lah selaju tu diorang bergelak ketawa dan bising. ahhh ive heard this before about these foreigners are loud and noisy and annoying and bla bla but i hope i dont have to go through another nightmare with roommates. i just wanna let low. i hope i can get good roommates this semester.

 

Amiiiiinnnnnnnnn……………..

 

 

esoklah kot baru taaruf, itupun kalau sempat jumpa.

 

 

CUTI DAH HABIS! NOW BACK TO REALITYYY!

i’m gonna miss all my girlssszzz!

 

my evening routine anddd

especially dua orang budak ni.

The Untold Tale

This week has been the toughest week in my life. A lot of things happened that simply challenge my patience and again change the way I see things. Mula-mula I got involved in cheap handphone scam, then ada lah lagi few benda jadi.


Memang setiap apa yang berlaku tu sentiasa ada hikmahnya.


I wanna be good despite apa yang orang buat kat kita. Biarlah orang tu nak tipu ke, cakap bad things pasal kita behind our back ke, tak nak tolong kita masa susah ke, talan dua muka ke, suka menunjuk depan kita ke semua tu dugaan dan tanda peringatan supaya kita sentiasa beringat supaya jangan buat macam pulak dekat orang lain. Senang cerita, jangan buat sesuatu yang kita tak suka orang buat dekat kita. Biarlah orang buat jahat macam mana sekalipun dekat kita tapi kita tak payah la nak ada slightest thoughts pun pasal nak balas balik apa orang buat kat kita.


I wanna do good things so that when im no longer in this world, people will remember all the good things about me. Namun, tak dapat nak dinafikan bila kita buat baik susah orang nak ingat walaupun kita sebenarnya dah banyak terhutang budi kat orang tu tapi bila kita buat salah sikit itu je yang jadi modal orang nak ingat.
kadang-kadang serba salah dibuatnya. bila ikut kata hati dikata selfish, tapi bila jaga hati orang hati sendiri merana.


people around me asyik duk advise pasal jangan jadi baik sangat. macam not to trust people easily. tak kisah la kawan ke apa. tu yang jadi macam ni, kawan makan kawan. tak paham apa yang ada dalam otak manusia perangai macam syaiton suka menipu, songlap duit orang. tak sedar ke hutang dengan manusia kita kena minta maaf sendiri dengan manusia tu? bangsat, bahalol haram jadah punya melayu, melayu sama melayu pun nak tipu, fuckasss! these words suits you sial!


haha sendiri pun tengah conflicts. sorrry la bahasa terlalu kurang sopan sebab tapi lega jugak dapat mencarut sekali sekala sebab nak physically balas memang tak dapat lah.
nak buat baik salah, nak buat jahat apatah lagi kan.


how lah?

Tak Matang

terasa nak bercerita tapi rasa macam budak-budak sangat.

i seriously have no idea why you did that at the first place. i dont want to be prejudiced after what had happened before and i really hope that all my evil thoughts are wrong. i am totally fine if you just wanna be there although i cant see we are going nowhere with that kind of attitude.

if my words happen to make you feel superior, then err tak tau nak cakap.

you are exactly as what you claimed you are.

Dear Future Me,

a note from me to the future me

Finally i can tell the world that i have achieved something. Alhamdulillah. Syukur nikmat yang diberi Allah.

hopefully, by this achievement tak buat aku lupa diri next semester and takkan terasa diri tu macam dah pandai sangat. there’s a lot of things that you need upgrade. to earn good results you really need to work hard and jangan lah nak rasa yang you are already at the top of the world. this is just the beginning.

jadilah macam ikut resmi padi. makin tunduk bila makin berisi.

okay!

Terlalu Istimewa

HELLO MAY!

bulan yang pastinya ditunggu-tunggu lepas 3 minggu cuti.

Sumpah terasa macam ni lah cuti semester yang paling lama walaupun hanya 3 minggu cuti. mungkin sebab dah terbiasa dengan hectic life so bila dapat cuti ni rasa macam lama and lifeless gila. tapi.. semestinya esok adalah hari yang mungkin antara hari yang paling sukar nak ditempuhi.Result keluar esokkk! berdebar tak payah cakap lah sebab untuk paper bahasa Arab, i didnt do my very best and infact macam takde effort sangat. soi'm quite scared nak tau result esok.dapat C je pun rasa macam dah cukup bahagia and i'll make sure next long semester, i'll try my very best to learn Arabic language by heart and to score good results.

 well the only subject that i really really really want to score an A is Public Speaking and Contemporary Issues. i had so much fun dalam class and i did my very best in every class to deliver good speech. tapi tak tau lah kalau instructor masa finals tu suddenly tak suka my speech on that day susah jugakkan?

i seriously have no idea what to expect for tomorrow.

but i hope that what ever happens tomorrow, what ever the result may turn out to be, aku akan tenang menghadapi.

ohh before i forgot, something that i can consider as magical happened earlier this week. SYUKUR ALHAMDULILLAH, Allah is so great! Thank You Allah. Please make me a better Believer and never never ever let me go astray from your path.

Syukran Jazilan

Am I Prepared?

Semester break has now almost come to its end. So now, I can’t wait for the new semester to begin. I have filled myself with enough fuel to ride another semester in IIUM. It’s gonna be another awesome semester. hope so. I miss studying and being occupied with tons of assignments and quizzes and examinations. I miss all the mixed feelings in the middle of the semester.

Being occupied with so many things makes me happy. I hope there will be less drama with people around me next semester. I plan to fly under the radar. That is, to stay unnoticed unless something good is happening to me.
I have another week of holiday before short semester starts. I have already planned plenty of things that I wanted to do. I plan to study and work at the same time. I bet, its not gonna be an easy life.

I have to be prepared and organized. I am prepared but I’m not always organized.


how?

24:7 K-POP? Melayu BOLEH!

terkejut dan tergamam. betul ke?

macam mana pulak boleh jadi macam ni.

WAIT!

salah pandang ke? salah baca ke? pening kepala dibuatnya bila tengok orang KITA pun boleh jadi macam ni. kesian diorang dieksploitasikan oleh pihak-pihak yang cuba mencari keuntungan dengan melahirkan kumpulan macam ni. muzik dan boyband semua tu rasanya tak salah. tapi benda ni macam dah jadi salah bila jadi macam ni

MANGSA KEADAAN?

sekumpulan remaja lelaki yang seperti ______________ (sila la isi tempat kosong dengan ayat sendiri)

memang terkelu lidah bila tengok. tapi aku puji jugaklah cara sebab diorang berani nak bawak kelainan. lagipun, lagu Melayu sekarang pun dah macam hilang identiti je, so takde benda nak bising sangat la pasal lagu yang diorang akan bawak ni. by the way, lagu diorang pun rasanya tak penah dengar lagi. kesian pun ada dekat diorang ni sebab tendency untuk jadi the biggest joke in music industry kat Malaysia tersangat la besar if things doesn’t workout the way it should be for them.

KESIAN

Faizal Tahir dulu kena banned sebab bukak baju. diorang ni dapat exception ke?

mungkin masa ambik gambar ni diorang tengah fikir macam ni kot. “alaa kalau video trio Dato’ T boleh main bukak-bukak baju boleh siar kat TV, prime time lagi… takkan la kitorang tak boleh kan? bukak sikit je ni.” HEHE

nak baca lagi banyak boleh bukak kat sini SUMBER ASLI

but i still think that it is a wrong decision made by them (the group members, the manager, recording company, etc..etc) to join the industry looking like this.

but you are already famous dudes!

marketing dept in charge to sell them, dah boleh lega sebab people are noticing them now but sadly, not in a good way.

20 years from now, you people may be laughing at yourself looking like this. macam AC Mizal gelakkan diri sendiri tengok dia masa zaman 4U2C.


 
I’m not anti-melayu ke ape okay.
bye

Isu Remeh dan Orang Melayu. Tiada titik nokhtah dalam isu Islam, Melayu, Seks dan DSAI?

Rimas dengan sikap orang MELAYU di MALAYSIA sebab terlalu asyik dan leka mempersoalkan perkara-perkara remeh.

Isu antara trio Dato’ T dan Dsai tak perlulah disensasikan oleh media setiap hari. due to too much of media exposure on this issue those obscene pictures has spread out all over the country and the media seems to encourage people to search and watch for the video. Masalah ni should be between Dato Eskay and Dsai. They were once friends. so let them settle among themselves. these issue pun revolve among them so yang lain tak payah la nak sibuk-sibuk nak merusuh demi mempertahankan maruah yang sorang lagi. tak perlulah rasanya nak bersorak gempita dengan kewujudan video-video terbaru mahupun beriya bersumpah demi mempelihatkan siapa betul siapa salah.

 these are the people whom i call Perosak Bangsa.

diorang-diorang ni lah orang yang punya terlalu banyak agenda tersirat dalam memecahbelahkan orang-orang Melayu. siap nak solat dua imam. APA BENDA SEMUA NI? 

Mana perginya maruah orang Islam? come on… other races and religion are laughing at us. banyak lagi masalah dalam masyarakat kita, yang kita selalu terlepas pandang. isu video ni terlalu remeh. terlalu menyedihkan bila ada orang terlalu nak mengkaji isu ni. logic thinking la kan, kalau orang tu dah buat salah lagi-lagi when it involves the media as well as public attentions, for you to admit that you are engaging into such immoral behaviour macam ni, mana ada yang nak mengaku. kau pun kalau dah tersebar video macam tu no matter how people nak provoke kau, kau takkan mengaku jugak kan? mestilah nak kena jaga maruah sendiri as well as your family.

apa benda dia  buat tu biarlah antara dia dengan Allah sekalipun dialah pelaku dalam video tu. i’m not taking sides. this is just my very own personal view on this issue sebab dah rimas sangat tengok perangai orang Melayu. dah terlalu muak sampai rasa nak muntah hijau bila tengok Melayu merusuh, buat kacau DALAM MASJID, hilang respect among Muslims and banyak lagi yang tersanggup nak tulis.

other races might take this opportunity to lead the country while kita orang Melayu yang penuh sopan santun dan berbudi bahasa ni terus meracau tak tentu hala. yang tukang jerit tu dapat apa? yang terlalu obes  obses pulak dapat apa?

anyway, lesson learned from the issue between Eskay and Dsai ni kalau kawan baik macam mana sekalipun tak perlulah nak share video pelik-pelik macam ni. kalau dah gaduh semua nak cerita kat orang, masa kawan baik dulu mulut manis je siap janji rahsiaku, rahsiamu jua.

I'm just saying

What’s Lacking?

so many things to say yet so little time.

we no longer talk to each other. you know i’m faking it everytime we tried to talk.

i do not want you to go.

i just want you to stop doing things that you’ve been doing lately.

let’s go back to the start. everyone’s home now.

aren’t you happy?

its sad because we are all together now but not as ONE

If Life is That Easy

i dont know where else i should spill this.

i dont know how to begin my story with.

i took me years to forgive you and i only recenly learned that i have forgotten things that you did to me during my younger age so as what you have done to my childhood life. i became so much of a rebellious teenager because of you and i was stupid enough to choose not to study hard because i hate you. i learned to hate so many things because of you. today, again, it happens just like before. i thought you have changed. i thought, you have changed for good. i thought, i can have what other people can have, they have real families.

the memories will always stuck in my mind. i’ve been crying thinking how bad this could be when i was 11. when i was 16 i almost ran away from home because i hate everyone at home. at that time, both of you didn’t talk to each other for quite sometime and you have made me become the middle person. i tried to be fair to both sides and i hate it when the other side is saying bad things about the other. nobody tries to understand me when i was at that age, where i simply lost in my own world, no body cares to bring me back. it was me who is trying to understand both of you all the time.

and you,

why do you still need to find someone else outside? dont you have enough of what you have today? at least all of us has gotten our butts in Universities. aren’t you ever proud of us? why can’t you just appreciate of what you have in life today? mak has been scarifying everything for you and you take her for granted. you got home late everyday. i know where u’ve been. but i hate the fact that i dont have the guts to say it. one day when you realized that none of us are willing to have you anymore, dont blame us. it might be too late. you gave everything to her but not us.

i tried to portray us as a happy family but now i can no longer hold it. my happy family pictures has now torn into pieces like an aeroplane crash and scattered into the ocean.

like mak said, maybe it is the right time to say goodbye. maybe to live separately can make everyone realized that each and everyone of us needs each other to be happy.

i’ll pray i will never lost faith in HIM. HE knows best for HIS believers.

don’t let me go astray

Wow! My Friends Can Really Sing and Play Guitar!

they have never show interest to sing nor to perform infront of public during school. suddenly bila dah lepas habis sekolah semua orang seems to find their talents and what’s best in them. unlike me, still searching what i want to do in life. arrghhh i’m 21 now! i should be thinking about my future and i want to do next.

so today, its the big day for two of my good friends from school when they had the opportunity to sing in front of public at Palate Pallete, Changkat Bukit Bintang.

i’m impressed for what they have done and their efforts to get things right.

meet my friend, Siti Khairiyah. she can play guitar and she learned how to play guitar by ear. ohh and she’s a nurse (future) and she can play guitar. i mean how cool is that?

As always, meet Ramadhan (Romie Pujaan). he is the singer and they sung cover song Impossible by Christina Aguilera.

SUPPORTERS

Me, so obvious. :)

Marliyana, she’s one of our school friends.

Gigiey, she’s 24 and work as a kindergarten teacher. super cool, Khai’s Sister.

AT THE EVENT and THE PROUD SUPPORTERS

They only planned to sing one song but since the band that was supposed to sing after them was late so the organizer of the event has made them sing 4 songs. HAHA. it was hell a lot a fun cause it was all impromptu. Khai and Romie actually discussed it out loud what song that they are going to play next. in fact, Romie did laughed when he sang Getaran Jiwa unplugged. Khai pulak dengar comel sangat nyanyi lagu Seratus Lima Puluh Juta from Fynn Jamal and then they did sing another cover song by Avril which i do not know what is the title of the song.

 

 

overall, i really had a lot of fun and i did make few friends there. they were all awesome and really appreciate what you bring upfront. i mean they are not like other typical people who judging people from what they are wearing and what they are going to sing and what so ever. infact, they were very supportive to Khai and Ram knowing that this is their first attempt to sing in public.

anyway, congratulations to both of you for making it happen and able to conquer the place with the awesome music. this is a good start. please do not put an end to this.

I’m so proud having both of you as my friend. I'm looking forward for more performance in the future!

How to Have Fun During Semester Break

during the day i help to babysit my neighbour’s kids and i’m doing it for free. my neighbour’s maid ran away and it caused her so much troubles. she has always in rush between time to fetch her eldest son from school and no one will look after her other 2 kids. since she has always been nice to my mum and our family, so my mum and i decided to help her takes care of her children.

Meet the 5 year old Rania and 6 month old baby Raeez

Rania forcing Raeez to smile to the camera.

my new daily routine is to bring Rania and Raeez to playground every evening.

anyway, bila budak-budak tu dah balik, terasa sunyi la pulak and recently, i encountered few PC games that can make me sit infront of the laptop all night long. i knew about this one particular game long-long time ago but i dont have the opportunity to sit with Wa and Jijol to learn how to play the game. memandangkan sekarang ni cuti and i dont have anything else to do at night so i decided to learn how to play the game and the game is called Warcraft or Dota (ni Wa yang cakap and then he did mentioned something about Garena too which leads me to a little confusion)

we dont have internet at home anymore to play online, so we play among each other through file sharing (if i’m not mistaken) cause that’s what Jijol said.

the-tak-best-part is when i just started playing diorang dah terus ajak main satu game. tapi main guna ‘cheat’ that i’m not really sure ‘cheat’ tu ape function dia. i thought main guna ‘cheat’ ni tak boleh mati, tapi pelik entah ‘cheat’ ape yang dia guna entah aku mati jugak. arghhh tak paham!!

 

dats me, Dushie Kuat

baru main kejap dah mati.

lepastuuu..

…..

…..

…..

……

……

mati lagi

…..

……

…..

…..

 

and again

mati lagi.

……

……

……

……

final score.

i gave up.  

you dont need to spend lots of money just to find something fun to do. all you have to do is appreciate what you can do with people near you and be part of them while you have the time to.

spending time with mak and all the kids every evening at the playground is something that i am very much thankful for and i’m really looking forward to it everyday.

playing computer games with my siblings and Wa is fun too! although i totally suck at it and you can hear all the cursing during the game but that’s okay because that’s what makes the game more interesting and exciting to play and most importantly, the bonding between us getting stronger.

 

 

last-last….

main ni lagi best. Plants Vs Zombies

byeee

Can We Go Back to the Day Before We Messed Up?

I miss you.

When you called, I feel like brand new. Although we have made it through but all the feelings i have now is true.

i wish upon the day we stood to together,

we stand up for each other,

we laugh together.

it’s a dream that I wish upon the stars, who laugh at my tears falling down my cheeks. don’t you pretend like you are nothing like them.the truth is, I think i’ve made it obvious that i do not want to start again. like you always said,

enough is enough.

let’s go back to the start? No, Thank you.

Insomnia

i’m having difficulties to sleep. i’ve been suffering from insomnia for the past few days eversince the exam week started. i don’t know why. i guess there is something that bothers me but i do not have any ideas of what it is all about. i gotta be kidding myself when i forced myself to sleep.

what is it that bothers me?

is it you?

it is me?

i do not want to make a complete fool of myself when answering my final paper for this semester. i remembered once where i had fallen asleep during the exam. yes, i was already in the hall and the exam has already started. while i was jotting down few points to help me answering the questions, i’ve fell into a deep sleep for like 10 minutes and luckily there was a correction to be made for the paper and the lecturer announced it using the microphone that instantly help to wake me up. i was lucky.

what will happen if i happened to sleep through out the examinations and wake up only 15 minutes for the examination to end.

a complete disaster isn’t it?

hopefully things like that won’t happen neither to me or to you.

 

 

just sharing a couple pictures of me having a great time before the examinations week started.

Kenapa dengan Aku?

aku perasan jugak perangai aku lain semenjak dua menjak ni. lagi-lagi bila kat UIA. aku rasa mungkin sebab tekanan semester nak habis kot.

aku dengan roommate aku memang  sentiasa okay sebab semua buat hal sendiri. cakap pun sekali sekala. nak melawak bersama memang dalam mimpi je lah. jadi satu hari tu aku nak try bermesra dengan roommate aku dan dijadikan cerita aku keluar pergi merayau bilik kawan aku tanpa membawa kunci bilik. roommate aku ni pulak jenis sentiasa kunci pintu walaupun keluar pergi buang sampah. keluar buang sampah yang tak sampai 10 langkah kunci pintu, masuk bilik balik pun kunci pintu jugak.

 jadi sekembalinya aku dari bilik kawan aku tadi, alamaak dah sah sah la pintu terkunci. lalu aku pun ketuk la pintu. lama jugak aku tunggu tak jawab. lepastu aku ketuk lagi hampir nak give up aku bagi salam. aku ingatkan roommate aku semua keluar tapi aku rasa aku kenal kasut diorang yang bersepah depan pintu ni.

tiba-tiba terkeluar dari mulut aku tanpa disedari

“Assalamualaikum siiiissss, siiiissssss… Mak guard ni. datang nak check bilik”

terus aku pun dengar bunyi tapak kaki dari dalam

pintu dibuka, aku pun masuk sambil senyum siap cakap “Amboi.. dengar mak guard je terus bukak ehh?”

lepas tu AWKWARD!
aku terdiam, dia pun diam.
ishh apesal la mulut aku ni laju sangat.

tapi aku continue sengih kerang busuk. tak nak la nampak bersalah sangat.

actually memang aku rasa bersalah  walaupun sebenarnya aku macam marah sikit sebab
1. aku keluar tak bawak kunci
2. aku tipu cakap aku mak guard
3. sebab aku terperli dia.

aku tak sengaja. betul.
tapi lepas tu kitorang okay je sebab aku dah keluar bawak kunci setiap kali pergi mana-mana dan khidmatnya untuk membuka pintu tidak lagi diperlukan.

aku memang tak pandai nak bercerita benda-benda macam ni sebab dulu masa zaman sekolah buat karangan berbentuk cerita memang aku selalu mengelak sebab aku tak suka berfantasi menulis sesuatu cerita yang aku tak pasti walaupun dia dah bagi isi.

nampak sangat aku ni tak pandai bawak mulut apatah lagi menjaja cerita orang

HEHE.

get well soon!

i hope when you read this, it will makes you feel a lot better.

<3 you!

terbaik ke?

waktu di laptop menunjukkan sudah pun hampir 2.40 pagi. mata masih segar bugar kalau diajak berlari pun takde hal.
hujan lebat dekat luar dan aku tak boleh tidur. esok, pukul 7.30 pagi aku dah kena bersiap nak pergi ambil exam untuk subjek Principles and Practices of Journalism which happens to be my favourite subject untuk semester ni so definitely bak kata budak-budak Akademi Fantasia dan semua peserta realiti TV akan cakap “nak buat yang terbaekkk”.

sigh.
I’m done with my readings tapi since tak tidur-tidur lagi ni takut jugak kalau esok pagi tiba-tiba panik lepastu tangan terus menggigil tak boleh nak tulis. siapa nak jawab pulakkan?

percubaan nak ambil gambar dengan guna camera di laptop. *HAHA tulisan terbalik

hujan lebat sangat. baru tadi bunyi guruh kuat.

bye. nak lari bilik Raja.

takut pulak tidur sorang-sorang. hehe

undefined thinking

its nice when you know you always have the place for you to spill almost everything, where you can be creative and express yourself in many ways. i’m not much of a person who talks to people about my story verbally but its nice to share things here without knowing who are my readers. would they share the same feelings as i do or would they reacted the same way i did? i’m not sure how many people really read what i write in here. its not really that i don’t care but i just don’t feel like knowing who are my readers because then i will feel obliged to write to favour them. that’s not really my intention when i started writing. although one day i might end up as a journalist and maybe a writer but for now i choose to not knowing who are my readers IF there is any. obviously there are people who reads my words and i do appreciate you guys but i sometimes prefer you to be anonymous.

i definitely need to improve on my vocabs and grammar so that there would be less grammatical error and more vocabs. i realized that my vocab isn’t that big and i just don’t know how to start it. and i haven’t yet sit for my MUET test. grrrrreattt! the thing is that i am not confident myself to take MUET cause ive forgotten how to answer such examinations. i last took my English exams was during my foundation studies where i sat for Level 6 exams. i had to pass level 6 English to allow me to sit for EPT (English Placement Test) and only if i pass my EPT i get to go to Gombak pursuing my undergraduate studies. Alhamdulillah, i passed with flying colours and i thank my lecturer because they have taught me so well at that time and also the pressure i felt i that time because i do not want to stay any longer in Nilai. i do not want to be left behind if i failed my EPT. i kinda miss that feelings that i had at that time. the drive to do things a lot better than everyone. i just seem to lost my passion in almost everything now.

i do not want to compete anymore because i am so afraid of losing.  i’m too coward to face any challenge. i no longer speak up in class and i choose to hold my thoughts at most times. i deny words of others in my heart. sometimes i even curse them for giving such nonsense arguments and trying to act as Mr/Miss-i-know-it-all. but after all everything that i said is just in my head. i just hate people who speak up in class without even do their readings and simply ask silly things that makes the lecturer to prolong the discussion. if it make sense then it would be alright but if its not then it is just a nerve breaking. sometimes, i do not want to exchange my thoughts because i think it would be an interruption to the lecturer’s flow of thoughts and if i choose to speak up in class sometimes the class has come to an end and i dont have the chance to. however, like i said, most of the time i will just hold the ideas/ questions/ doubts to myself.

sometimes i do feel like im being selfish by holding the thoughts to myself especially when i have to disagree with someone’s ideas in class. because i feel that, that person needs to know that there are someone who are just not in the same track as they are. still, i choose not to speak up most of the time and that is why i love presentation the most because i can say whatever i want to say about the subject including criticizing others’ presentation if i need more explanations or i just couldn’t agree with what they have presented about. i feel like it is more academically discussed rather than the normal discussion we use to have in class because only during presentation people are more open to be critical and do not mind to speak up.

sometimes we have to see things that we cannot see

i am happy when you are happy. i can see that u are happy right now and God had made us apart long ago was a blessing from Him so that we can improve ourselves better in the future. and today we are good as we are kan? no more grudge against each other anymore. we truly learn something from that aren’t we?

we deserve to be among those people who love us just the way we are. and when you are already in that circle just appreciate those who are always with you during thick and thin. if they choose to go, just let them go although the possibilities of them not coming back is huge but after all you will just have to face it. through times, you might forget about it and leave that memory completely lost in a very deep hole. one will be very much grateful to have great friends to be around them. siapa tak nak ada ramai kawan kan? but always bear in mind, neither too many nor too little friends is not always good for you. however, as long as you can maintain the good relationship in a long term manner then it shouldn’t be any problems.

you can have a lot of good friends but what’s the point of having lots of friends that all you know is to bitch about them behind their back? i’m not pointing finger at anyone but its a reality. nobody can ever stop bitching about someone else until they have fulfilled all the desires.

if you choose to live that way and believe that people can still love and tolerate with you than go on. you are completely matured now to make your own decisions.

sometimes it just takes a little girl drama to find out who your friends are and if they stick with you after that drama, you will be with them like forever.

kau lupa lagi

people are no longer can be fooled by all your words. jangan suka nak mintak simpati when things doesnt go your way. you keep on bullshitting about everybody when you cant get things that you want. just because other people are doing so that doesn’t mean that you have to follow.

we have to learn to see what are the mistakes that we have done before and promise to ourselves that we are not going to commit such mistakes again. be more careful in selecting words that you intend to say or to write especially when you know that it will be published publicly. be more selective in choosing words.  you might somehow terr-humiliate someone and completely forgot about it and later gonna cause that ‘someone’ to face the consequences of your writing.

be more truthful to yourself and so as others. things will not go complicated any further.

sometimes we thought that we are smarter than everyone around us and makes us feels like we are on top of the world but when you fall, you fall and break into thousand pieces.

you know you cant satisfy everyone around you but you can atleast try your best. setakat menanam tebu ditepi bibir tolong la lupakan hajat tu.

in life we were given choices and it is up to us to choose what’s best for us. its different when you have to opportunity to choose easily rather than  being stuck in the middle not knowing which one to choose. you  can choose to be good or bad and fully responsible in making you own choices and also the consequences.

sometimes, we only realized that we have made the wrong decision although we feel right about it at the very first place but it is better rather than standing there alone not knowing which one to choose.

sometimes, we have to ignore what are the things that we love most.

sometimes, that thing that you love most ignores you.

 

 

God knows what's best for us. its a cliché that almost everyone knows about it but how many of us actually understand the real meaning lies between that?

stronger than yesterday

I have a week rest before my first paper for final exams started. I’m having difficulties to study arabic cause i am a slow learner when it comes to arabic language. Arabic language is not like other languages. i’m gonna need someone to tutor me and i have already have some one dalam kepala.

since i have a week off so i occupied myself with this activitiesss

AT MADMONKEYZ CLIMBING GYM, WANGSA MAJU

 

First step: register yourself by filled in all the details required.

Second Step: take a picture of yourself and your good friend before you get started.

Third step: WALLLAAAAAA!

i spent the whole day at Madmonkeyz Climbing gym starting from 3pm-11pm. its a great place to release all the stress and challenge yourself at the same time.

kau lagi tapi aku masih tak jemu

summarization of what Ramadhan and I did the other day. the journey started when Ramadhan was advised to get a day off since his Pak Long was hospitalized in Seremban and he was a bit cranky the day before so that's why he asked me out. he came over to pick me at my Mahallah around 2pm when i was having my lunch at that time. then, we went to visit his Pak Chu in Gleaneagles. Pak Chu tengah buat chemotherapy masa kitorang sampai.

we spend 12 hours together. heck!

masa ni still confused nak pergi via Jelatek or Ampang, tapi sempaaat snap gambar lagi

Romie and Pak Chu, lepas Pak Chu done with his treatment. Pak Chu bawak makan I yu ols!

Venue: Aladdin Restaurant, next to Flamingo Hotel, Ampang

then we went back to UIA around 6.30pm after being stuck in a traffic jam, then nak pergi kolam air panas tak jumpa tempat, nak pergi taman rama-rama tak jumpa pintu masuk so we ended up pergi talk in UIA. after talk finished, remember i was supposedly to stay on campus over the weekend tapi tak jadi since Ramadhan lapar and i thought of bring him over makan pecel tapi kedai tu dah tutup and we ended up pergi Ampang to satisfy the desire for Om Burger. 

Candid!

hodoh betul muka kauuuuuu makan tak ingat dunia. kiri kanan makanan.

Terkejut, Mengejut dan Dikejutkan

sorry kualiti gambar macam ape je. tak bawak camera balik campus so terpaksa guna camera kat laptop. Thank you Raja, Tikah, Tiqa and Dila. <3

homesick

I have nothing much to ramble these days except for the anger i just spilled yesterday. but the anger is actually not meant to anyone but me. i tried to be denial, trying to blame someone so hardly but the thing is i have problem with my own self and trying to deny the fact that i am depressed. i hate this feelings i have nowww!

but lets just focus on good things that happened to me these past few days.

I’ve been almost completely satisfied with my current life and I’ve found few things that satisfied me. For example this week I realized that I clean my room less than an hour. I’ve been delaying to clean my room for days and I just realized that cleaning the room is not that difficult. I managed to clean all the ‘rambut gugur’ in the room, rambut yang terbang dari compartment sebelah, rambut kawan-kawan yang datang bertandang and mine included. Obviously lega sangat sebab bilik dah kemas and bersih, this week dah la all the assignments due kalau dengan bilik sepah segala mestilah lagi serabut. My planned to stay in the room for the whole weekend tak jadi because last Thursday night lepas pergi talk, Ramadhan and I decided nak pergi makan and that time dah lebih kurang 11.30pm and I thought of bringing him to eat pecel, sekali tutup. Nak patah balik UIA pak guard dah start tahan kereta, sah sah la kalau nak masuk kena saman RM50 so tak jadi balik UIA we headed to Ampang for the famous OM burger. Ramadhan had his Oblong ayam and mine oblong kambing. Since Ramadhan have to work the next day and its already late and his going to stay at his uncle’s house at Melawati so I had to call Wa to pick me up at Ampang. Around 1.30am macam tu Wa sampai.

 

That’s the whole story to explain why I had to cancel my plan to stay in campus on the weekend.

dan aku

kalau aku rungkai satu-satu mau engkau sakit jiwa kerana tekanan hebat yang kau tak mampu terima. kata-kata aku lebih pedas dari dari sesiapa pun yang pernah engkau berkecil hati kerana kata-kata mereka. aku pun sekadar manusia biasa yang tak pernah lari dari perasaan marah. tapi aku marah bersebab dan aku cuba untuk tahan kemarahan aku sebab aku tahu musim peperiksaan akhir semester akan berlangsung tak lama lagi. tapi perasaan ni aku dah tak boleh kawal lagi. maafkan aku kalau aku berjauhan. hati aku terlalu sakit untuk menerima hakikat. biarkan aku sendirian. mungkin di hening subuh aku akan terima kekesalan. kata maaf tak perlu diucapkan kerana maaf hanyalah kata-kata yang boleh dikitar semula. jadi adalah lebih baik jika terus berdiam tanpa bermasam muka mahupun menjeling sesama sendiri. kerana marah itu juga buta. buta dalam menilai segala kebaikan yang kau pernah taburkan dulu. aku tak mahu kerana turutkan marah aku lupa akan segala kebaikan yang pernah kau beri dulu.

 

dan aku tak mahu aku terus terlupa yang aku ini bertuhan. orang yang bertuhan percaya Tuhannya tak pernah mengajar umatnya terus menyimpan dendam.

HAPPY 21st and 25th, 2011

 

the girl who just turn 21 on February 26th, 2011. she was flattered and overwhelmed by all the birthday wishes she received from people who remembered her big day. she’s not looking forward for any birthday celebration but when these people choose to celebrate her birthday, she lost her words. she can only being so thankful to Allah and everyone for giving her the chance to experience such a wonderful moments on her birthday.

she loves carbonara spaghetti at Gardens. so far, that’s the only dish yang dia akan order everytime pergi sana.

 

 

 

desserts that keeps us coming back to Gardens cafe.

 

 

kakak, Farah Dianti who turn 25 on the next day, 27th February 2011.

 

DARAH MANIS

kakak and her fiancé yang sangat comel bersama. both of them very funny bila duduk dekat-dekat keluar semua character yang pelik-pelik.

 

 

with AWESOME PEOPLE that makes the dinner awesome.