the girl who has everything

sometimes i do feel like people don’t listen to me but when i think back i think its fair enough cause i don’t listen to anyone. when people want to start their drama with me i’ll just walk away. nobody likes to be involved in drama isn’t it. especially at this age, when you are 21 you are no longer the same person of who you are before. you may be physically the same but you are totally different inside.

abah and few other people told me to walk with my eyes open, i’m completely normal that when i walk i have my eyes open but like i always said see thing from different perspectives. listen to the people, listen to the surroundings and listen to the heart beat of the people. 

when i’m down, i write. i’m not a good writer. i wished i can write my heart out but what refrain me from doing so that is i’m afraid i might hurt people around me. i do not want to be hurt anymore so that is the least i can do by not writing about them and although i dont really tell what are the things that upsets me because i do not want to have the same exact feelings i felt inside when i go through my blog posts. i like to be me and i want to improve to be a better me. i want to be a good listener to people around me but everytime i try to be, my heart wont let me. my heart keep telling me, stop doing. despite of the ugliness of being involved in drama, tak kisah la drama dengan mak, abah, my siblings, my friends, or anyone near me there are good things being involved in real drama. you get to deal with stubborn people who think they are always right *finger pointing at myself*.

yes, i always think i am always right in most situations. so what? who likes to be wrong anyway? there are ways to correct people like me *please make your own reading* there tons of books on how to deal with people like me. obviously i wont listen to you when you simply tell me i’m wrong. without solid arguments and phrases like ‘janganlah buat macam tu’, ‘jangan la cakap macam tu’, ‘kau rasa kau bagus sangat ke?’ wont make any difference in me. infact, i felt lagi superior inside when you say such things cause its just showing lacking of facts to argue about. like i said there are ways to correct such people like me. its not that hard if you know the way and its not that easy anyway. if you do not like what you read then you are being denial. i think almost everyone face the same thing isn’t it? no body likes to be corrected all time as if orang yang betulkan dia tu perfect sangat.

speaking about perfection, i’m not that perfectionist but i like things to go my way. ahh what i wrote here basically reflects almost everyone’s attitude too. if you try to see yourself and look into yourself deeply, you may find that i’m just like you. i am no different with other people but what makes me different from other people is when we started to be friends. i always warned people not to be too nice with me cause i wont be too nice to them. but i will not have any prejudice or anything like that towards other people but i just do not want people to be too nice to me. its scare me. its scare me because i know i can never be too nice to anyone.

i no longer care if i heard people talking about me or says that they don’t like me for whatever reasons in the world that they can ever think of. its just makes me wanna go to tandas dengan lebih kerap, bukan untuk menangis dalam toilet tapi pergi buang sisa toksik yang dah lebih sangat dalam badan.

bye