Jumbo January

Let the picture speaks for itself. Random pictures in taken in January. I love them all!

Mak looks so cute in this picture! :D

Dinner@Pavilion

Principles and Practices of Journalism group project; an interview  at NSTP

there goes my January of 2011. 

looking forward for a fabulous February!

dear LQ 2083,

I’m so tired. I hate this feeling where I think that I’ve finished my readings and memorize things that I’m supposed to memorize but I cant recite it out loud.
lega, Ustazah postponed mid term for Islamic Ethics and also interview with Dato’ Zainul too had been postponed to a new date. thus, this week I only have 2 midterms still, in one day. so takde la dapat nak lega sangat.

I ‘m freaking out for my Arabic mid term. for me, Arabic is just another statistics. its not like I try nak samakan between statistics and the language from Allah but my brain tersangat la degil and susah nak absorb subject Arabic ni. apa yang ustaz ajar, dalam kelas faham tapi bila dah sampai bilik nganga. I have the same feelings for Arabic, add math and statistics.

I really really really need to improve my CGPA.

I cannot lose hope. I cannot give up.


HELP ME!

how to run faster?

1) I am so happy that I can blog happily now. I love what I’m doing and yeah.. my assignment is not done yet! YEAAAYY! how cool is that? happily typing word by word without realizing time I’ve spent in front of my lappie. how I wish I can own a Macbook. it is just too much and I can’t afford it till I graduate and started working.

2) I have not put my lappie in shutdown mode for more than 24 hours already! what a record! my life is boring and without my lappie I’m totally lost to the outside world.

3) I ‘m craving for pecel lele, and now almost 3 a.m.

4) I love to search for real good food.

5) I love brownie with extra ice cream @ Delicious, and all-time favourite meehoon Singapore @ uptown damansara with sotong goreng tepung (besar). YUMMYYY!

6) I have 3 midterms this week and I think I’ve done with my readings and revision. hopefully,all my efforts will be paid. Insha Allah.

7) I think I want to be a journalist, but can I handle all pressure?

8)  I need new perfume and I don’t have any wishlist for my next birthday and I wish everyone forgets my birthday. because I haven’t achieved anything to be proud of.

not too late

guess what, you are the person that I easily let my heart off forgiving you and forgets every single detailed things u have done to me. yet, you have taken my forgiveness for granted again and again. isn’t that nice to have someone keep on  forgiving you no matter what u did to them? I bet u haven’t learn your lesson or probably you are such an idiot, brain in the ass whose brain won’t function no matter how many nutritious food you eat or no matter how hard you try to be smart.

nahhh.. im not angry. infact, I feel lucky cause I do get the chance to be irritated by someone like you. I learn to console myself and thanks to you! if you don't irritates me like how you used to, I don’t think I would be able to learn to conquer this feelings, isn’t that great?!

you might be thinking I’m that insane talking about someone who manage to irritate me so much yet being so grateful about it. well, well, well, I am a totally different person today. like I said, I see things from different perspectives. being on the negative side, of course I would end up cursing and says all the nasty words I can ever think of.

I’m so glad I have this feelings now! so glaaaaaad makes me wanna fly!

I use to delete people who irritates me and people that makes me head go woooweeeee-not-in-a- nice-way-kinda-feelings. got me? now I don’t do that anymore. hate me or love me, I’ll keep u. treat the people who hates you nicely, make them regret. but nahhh, ill treat you nicely still, but I wont make you regret unless you, yourself regret things that you did to me.

I don’t care if you are not going to apologize and I’m not looking forward for it!

and yeah.. I promise I will not save any grudge on you and please come to my wedding. HAHA.

another day

why do I blog at the first place when I know there’s no one going to read my writings and hearing my thoughts? that’s not what I care most. I don’t intend to be a writer, I cannot write my feelings out. although sometimes, I wish I can write long essays about my feelings on something but for what reason? I hardly find reasons in things that I do. people often say that u do things based on your intentions but in my case I’m not sure myself what are my intentions in things that I do. I do not want to talk about people around me here, although sometimes I do wish that I have the guts to do that. why? that’s certainly a question that I’m less interested to answer.

last week, in Quran and Sunnah class, my lecturer, Prof. Hussain, he reminded us to always be thankful to Allah to give us the opportunity that others can only dream of. also, Br. Roslan Ali from my Journalism class, he said that always encourage us to be thankful to Allah for all extras that we have when others can only imagine. he too always gives us words of wisdom in every class making me feel bad to skip his classes.  I feel connected to the advice. certainly because I often ask Allah why do they get this and I don’t and such. however, that advices had made my eyes open and see things differently. what if  I get things that I want easily would be like who I am today? seeing things through different perspectives is what I’m trying to adapt myself with. things are easier said than done kan! others can say whatever they want to say.

last week, I get to feel what is it like to be the only child in the family when abang, jijol and aween were not around and abah insisted to have dinner outside. we went out, just the three of us, me, mak and abah. we went to Alamanda just to buy some groceries and had our dinner there. It was nice. I always wonder how it is like to be the only child. it's nice but of course a liltle bit boring cause i don't get to gaduh or tease anyone.  lately, it seems like Allah had given me so much. I was offered a job although it haven’t been confirmed yet and I don’t mind whether I got the job or not but it was an honour to be asked by a lecturer to be her assistant. then, Abah suddenly called and said he already bought us ticket to Bandung, I had such a great escape last friday when Wa belanja me 45 minutes foot massage which I really really really need it badly. it certainly had reduced my stress level. thank you love!


I have 3 midterms this week and next week is already mid break.

today’s advice for myself and for myself again whenever I read this post again is “START DOING”.

going places

2008
somewhere in February- Korea

2009
25th December,
Sentosa, Singapore

2010
8th July-Jakarta, Indonesia
somewhere around August: Jerantut, Pahang
13th October- Kuching, Sarawak

2011
4th February- Bandung, Indonesia






i wish the list will be getting longer and longer

my field of studies

Kulliyyah of Islamic Revealed Knowledge and Human Sciences

The Kulliyyah of Islamic Revealed Knowledge and Human Sciences was established in 1990. It is now the largest faculty in the University, with over 4,000 students and some 250 full-time academic staff. Its formation represents a drive to integrate Human Sciences and Revealed Knowledge disciplines.

The Kulliyyah has two divisions: Islamic Revealed Knowledge & Heritage, and Human Sciences, which offer programmes that bridge the divide between the "religious" and "secular" sciences.

READ MORE?

you may interested in this too!

Journalism project

dear friends, (yeah, i know none of them would probably reading this and this post is just going to be my personal reference in the future thinking what i might be doing back then)
HAHA

since we cant postponed the interview again, im afraid that i hv to tell u guys that i may not be joining u guys to interview Dato' Zainul on this 26th jan since i ada midterm for Islamic ethics on the same date and time. :(

but i'll try to make ustazah understand my situation and hopefully she will be baik hati to postpone the exam date. pleaseee pray for me! i wanna be with u guys on our big day! i really really really do!

you can't see what i can do

I think I’ve already acquire one of the skills for being a journalist. I often have the “why” questions in mind.  I’ve become more inquisitive. But the hardest part of being inquisitive is when you couldn’t find answers for your questions. The more “why” I ask everyday sometimes, the answers that I found out, tend to hurt me more without I even realize it. Each unsolved “why” leads to another “why” and another “why” and it goes on and on. The reasons why probably because I’ve being so ignorant all this while not knowing the history of my people, my land and of course my religion. In class my lecturer always talks about people, history and many things, and I’m just sitting there and ahhh.. What-the-hell-is-he-talking- about, gotta-google- about-it in my head.

 I know I have to read a lot. I did read. I read but I don’t remember.

Aku sedar sendiri and still, aku keep on questioning kan why do I  have such thoughts. I mean I don’t have any problems with anyone or anything or is it just me being denial? 


I read this today and this is interesting, ada faham?


Be a leader for thinkers rather than a follower

kadang-kadang kita alpa

I don’t know what it is that I do best in life. I don’t talk much nowadays. I don’t want to seek much attention; I don’t want to be known for who I am but who I was, for what I have contributed to the society.

 I’d love to be anonymous, I want to be invisible.

Well, everyone have their own interpretation on how to live their live. People tell everything to everyone but for what reason? 

keeping the rythm

After so long I finally had a great time with my real girlfriend (not the lesbian-girlfriend thingy). We went to Sunway Lagoon to watch Peterpan although at first I kinda reluctant to go there cause I’m not sure the hell is peterpan is all about but since Jijol had given me 2 free tickets, so I invited finie to come along. Since she’s on holidays.  As usual things that I wasn’t really certain about, I will drag Finie along in my uncertainty. HAHA

Unfortunately, Jijol terpecahkan camera when he went out to new year’s countdown which happened to be the night before and I told finie to not to forget to bring her camera and as what Ive expected, she’s totally forgot about it too. No it’s not funny and seriously, it’s not funny although we did try to crack a joke about it.  Nasib dah kawan lama Finie. haihzz. But it’s okay, as long as we both know how great the night is and all the images are well captured and stored in our hearts and minds. If u want to know more on what is happening about Peterpan the Musical, u can just google about it.

ahh this year Finie and I are going to celebrate our 10 years of friendship. weeee can u believe it? 10 years. dah double digits dah friendship kita.

bakal not biological mak cik

Masha Allah, Alhamdulillah, Allah is so great. A friend of mine just told me the happiest news I’ve ever heard today. What a good start for 2011! She waited for 5 years with her husband for a baby and now Allah had granted their wishes. Both of them have been through thick and thin together they deserve that good news. Alhamdulillah their prayers are finally heard. I am so happy for both of them cause I know what they’ve been through and undergo so many process with lots of time and money required. 

Please keep this happiness with them Ya Allah. 

i read about them doesn't mean i want to write like them but i admit somehow my thinking styles has been affected by them. but i can never write like them. i'm just an observant, i'm out of them game.

i don't want to be like them. jeopardizing my religion and belief is something beyond my absurd minded.
 to get involves with politics, aha that's my childhood dream. if u say politics is dirty, try something else that u think is less dirty. hmm..even in friendship. those nasty comments and jokes that seems funny to them but not to u form your so circles of friends. nayyy u can't find any can u?  i found that read blogs that discuss the unending issue of politics is so cool.

 to read and to write about politics is two different thing. selagi tak cukup ilmu didada jangan cuba-cuba nak berdebat. selagi tak tahu asal usul satu perkara jangan sesekali nak bersorak gembira. jangan buat-buat tahun benda yang tak tahu.

but i want to be like Farish A.Noor and this is so FUNNY!

Again

2^nd sem for my second year of studies has just started. I’m now in week 3 and already been burden with tons of assignment.

I intend to change my specialization. My current specialization is print media. I’m thrilled and excited to have print media as my specialization at first but now I’m not sure myself that would end up as a journalist. Of course I enjoy doing outdoor work and meeting lots of people but being a journalist I need to have certain kind of bonding with people around me. I need to have lots of contacts. That’s not who I am.

I define success as being able to wake up every morning and feeling excited of what you are going to do next for the rest of day before you are going back to sleep. When I started working I need this kind of energy everyday. Success too is a feeling of joy and happiness. If I don’t enjoy myself doing what things I that I think I might enjoy doing it, it’s wasted.

2011

and that's how i started my 2011. writing an entry on how sad my childhood are.
life is not that hard but people tend to make it complicated.
i'am afraid now.

"if I behave in a way people expect me to behave, i will become their slaves",
 Paulo Coelho, The Zahir

the not so sad story

I’m not sure myself whether this is the correct place to spill everything.

I often keep it to myself till at one point I burst and cry my eyes out. i don’t feel like talking to a friend for this because it gonna be hard for them understand or worst they started judging you and your family. And lets say one day ur friendship is at rock and letting urself being exposed to most undesired relationship, and u started not to speak at that person again. 

How pathetic is that?

Thus, I just need someone who will read and hear me without asking even a question.

Recently, mak asyik cakap pasal abah. Dari dulu pun mak memang asyik cakap pasal abah but this time makin banyak je isu pasal abah. Mak has no longer tempat mengadu cause dulu mak selalu mengadu kat abang sampai abah benci abah. I don’t blame mak for this sebab abang pun muda lagi, akal pun kurang compared to sekarang which their relationship (abang and abah) are getting better lepas abang started belajar jauh-jauh. Kadang-kadang tu bila dalam kereta ada adik pun mak asyik bercerita pasal abah and I don’t like that. Nak cakap karang takut mak kecik hati langsung tak nak cerita. I knew how it felt like being told that your family is just like the lyrics of family portrait by pink.

 Adik, she’s only 10 mak. She’s not supposed to hear things like how abah had cheated on you or on us. She’s going through changes and it’s going to affect her, psychologically. That’s what ive been through when I was around her age mak. But at that point of time memang mak dengan abah didn’t really care pasal kitorang. Both of you were rarely at home and I was only 10. It continues until I turn 13. When I was 13, ada majlis penyampaian hadiah for pelajar cemerlang upsr, mak dengan abah tak datang pun. I can still perfectly remember I got on the stage when my name were called, salam and ambik hadiah and looked around looking for mak or abah to have my picture taken by them tapi takde. Tak ada. Nope. both of them weren’t there. And since that ive promised myself I will never be any of the pelajar cemerlang. 

You can't blame me, come on I was only 13 masa tu.

10 years ye mak and abah. Although I can now say things are quite different dari dulu but the pattern is almost the same. I don’t want adik to been through what ive gone through.

 It is very tough mak, abah.  And its crazy and mean at the same time. And it will forever stuck in my head.